Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Mother of All Bikes

The idea of a Mother of All Bikes was hatched around the same time the beginning of the Iraq Invasion. Apparently, in Gulf War I, Saddam said the War would be the "Mother of All Battles." Then, before Gulf War II, the U.S. developed the "Mother of All Bombs" which was tested off the western coast of Florida.

Battles? Bombs? Why the hell not a Bike?

MOAB the Mother of All Bikes

MOAB is sort of like the Jawa sandcrawler in Star Wars. It takes up the width an entire street, and takes like over 30 people to ride it, including stokers, a pilot, co-pilot, navigators, lookouts, wait staff, bartenders, cooks, janitors, engineers, errand boys, outriders, welders, machinists, and shiftless drunks. There's a welding station inside, and bikes can ride in and out of the back if it while its moving. People sleep in hammocks tucked in the various hollows inside the vast nest-like super-structure built of scrap frame parts. Defense is not an issue because it can run over anything, and if bandits or highwaymen try to scale the sides they get lockjaw from all the rusty sharp metal edges. MOAB has these scoop things on the bottom-forward, so the MOAB rolls and teeters around collecting ever more bikes and scrap metal, and is basically a tiny moving tenement (complete with laundry lines), built out of garbage, in a constant state of breaking and being built and rebuilt.